yogurt?!

Posted on May 04, 2008 by Priya Tuli

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Today is the day I shall extricate myself from the nether regions and ascend to more rarefied, intellectual-type environs. I shall heave my mind out of the gutter, let go of the short-and-curlies and move into smut-free headspace. Once there, I shall proceed to talk a load of rubbish that nobody is going to understand, not even myself.

But first, a useful little nugget if information I happened across: "Humans are now extinguishing the rest of creation at between 1,000 and 10,000 times the "background rate" of palaeontological history." Aren't we just the most amazing species.

Which brings me to this little gem I scribbled on a scrap of paper many years ago and just came across, during yet another half-hearted attempt at spring-cleaning. I attempt this fairly frequently, because I never get very far; I am invariably set upon and waylaid by 58,933 scraps of paper and assorted post-its inscribed with gems like the one below:

“Now, let’s do something practical. Please follow these instructions carefully. Sit very still. Cross your legs. Breathe slowly. Imagine white light flooding through the middle of your forehead. Imagine blue light radiating outwards from your bottom. Think of yourself as a free spirit, floating through an eternal ocean of infinite understanding and yogurt. Now put your hands in the air and say “Quack!” Do this three times. You should soon begin to levitate. Not working? Well, there’s a surprise.”

I have no idea whether this was from a website, or a book I was reading. It’s a funny little snippet and just the sort of thing I wouldn’t dream of ever tossing out. Every time I come across it, it gets read and slipped right back into the extra-large garbage bag that houses stuff like this, and also other assorted bits. You know, old receipts I might someday need for stuff I can’t even remember buying, bank statements for the last 30 years, 2 pocket packs of tissue, a box of watercolour paints I’ve never used, old photographs faded with age, several toothpicks, 3 very ancient pieces of gum without their wrappers…you have one of those bags too, don’t you?

I have a whole cupboard full of them, waiting their turn at being exhumed. So when you’ve sorted yours and are wondering what to do with the rest of your time, look no further! I can honestly send you enough to keep you productive well into your twilight years. Meanwhile, I am going to go try out that blue light quacking yogurt stuff and let you know how it goes.